How
do people feel, and what should they do, when they realize that they
have invested in something that in reality they don't actually want?
We
go in a super-market; we buy many things that we really don’t need; or we
go for shopping we buy a dress/shirt and after coming back and looking
at it, we feel we didn’t want it. What do we do in that scenario? We
either create a need, or we discard what we had bought!
Let us analyze the same in a human
connection- let us say you have invested a lot in a relationship but all
of a sudden due to some specific reasons you feel you don’t need this
relationship neither you want it. A strong feeling of suffocation is felt during such times- a feeling of being caged!Either you
will create a need for it or you will get out of it.
Image courtesy: Google
Before that you have to realize that it is not ‘a thing’ that
you can leave at a given point and pick back when you want to. You need
to brainstorm. You have to know if it is a temporary phase or the
permanent one. Go with the flow for some time. Maintain a little
distance and see things from the outer core. Know why you feel the way
you feel and what were the reasons behind your investments initially.
Probably because it is nowhere similar to what you had thought it will be. It
is either different or bad. If it is different you may/may not continue.
Go with your gut feeling (our Id is stubborn- it can mislead us, but our subconscious mind knows about rights and wrongs).
However
if it is bad you must quit at once, without a second thought. Now that
you have contemplated about the things as in why your investment seems
like a futile effort- if you want to get over it, tell the person how
you feel. You may listen to a few bad words/ a little crying and few leave-me- not
lines or you have to face a few punches and slaps- but freedom is
always better than living unhappily ever after. It is better for the
other person too as you can’t keep him/her happy when you are not happy
in that relationship. Do the right thing with you and with the person
you are living. You know it better about your life!!!
P.S. If it is
about investment in business, you better stay till you earn your
investments back. Do inform your partner at right time that you will not
be staying for long.
(This question was asked under 'Dating and Relationships' head on Quora. I thought of sharing my answer here as well.)
Quora is a question-answer site. If you want to, you can add me here on Quora .
She grumbled about not being a classy woman- “Ah! Why am I not a classy woman? I want to be one!”
“Classy… You mean women who have class or who are classic (like Melanie Hamilton, a conventional
lady with all mannerisms and good virtue from the classic novel Gone with the wind)? Or are you
talking about the ones who are class-lovers, or who have been put in a
different class by their admirers? Leave that apart. Tell me what will happen by being classy? I mean what is the fun in it?” I looked at her in
dismay unable to understand the meaning behind those said words and inquired further.
“I don’t know. It sounds good to me.”
I started thinking; ‘probably classy means walking with your
chin up, eyes focused, straight body posture, wearing high heels, fine hand
gestures while talking, and maintaining oomph in a group or crowd wherever you
are. Laughing Ha ha ha, thrice with one hand covering your wide open mouth without getting the red lipstick smeared on the hand, and
sadly making condolences on hearing sob stories saying- “oh that is so bad
honey, how did you manage after that!”. Does it mean being a princess from
the movie Princess Diaries? I was still wondering why one would want to
cover herself with plasticity when one is so crude and naïve. Good girls don’t
have real fun, because they are busy being good, isn’t it? We are already good,
and now why do we need to become classy to kill that left over fun we are
entitled to?’ I was pondering curiously.
Still inquisitive about her thoughts I asked her, “Who is
classy around you?”
“Well…ummm”, she was silent and thoughtful!
“So there isn’t any. Huh?”
“Like to the outside world, you are classy!”
“Am I?” I smiled a bit, blushed a little and introspected
for a minute. I cleared my throat from the awkwardness by the unexpected
admiration and continued, “You know how loud I am, and careless in public or moody
or primitive! I bite my nails sometimes, while making my point I get loud and
strong, laugh even louder, I am faraway from fancy nail paints, I do make faces in
public to amuse you not caring about the world around me even a bit- is it the
definition of class for you?”
“Well I know that but it is not apparent to others. You have
a list of admiring population unaware of the rusticity, loud voice, and weird
talks of yours.” She grinned trying to break the magic she created a few seconds
ago!
I smiled looking at her from the corner of my
eyes. I lay down on my bed and covered my face with the quilt to sleep. 'She
has enough
class, she has high standards, and she behaves quite ladylike when in
public,
unlike me. She knows what to talk; she has a good opinion about most of
the things
in her surroundings and I am totally ignorant. While I work and live
only by
feelings, she lives with knowledge and feelings both. Probably we both
admire
things in each other; probably we want the other one to know about our
opinions
on each other. Or to make each other aware of the things we feel we
lack in
order to evolve a bit further. Though somewhere I feel we don’t lack in
anything significant. As I understood classy means somebody who has a class, who is
respected by others and who respects others too. A woman of high morals
and standards!!!'
Image courtesy: http://www.stylehasnosize.com
You may have a different perspective. What according to you is classy- any views?
At the beginning of February I had no clue that after a week I will be dazed, clueless
and feel fidget. Tired of Rose, propose, chocolate,
teddy, promise, kiss, hug, valentine, blah, breakup, slap till
infinity days. My mind and these days match no more, my phone's memory
card is jammed, my brain is overburdened with images and videos on Whatsapp,
and I am dying from overdose of virtual wishes. I would rather dream
about getting a bouquet of roses on Rose day, or
to have teddy-fights on teddy day (just like pillow fights- I don't know
what else grownups do with teddies), or big chunks of dark chocolates to lift up
the all tired mood of February season. I prefer real things over the virtual.
While people are celebrating these days on Twitter/Whatsapp/Facebook with images, today is a chance for me to make a difference. I would like to propose some ways to sanely celebrate the day and make some real use of Teddy on T-Day. Here are my take ten on how we can convert 'a teddy day' into 'a world sanity day':
1. A Teddy Fight (my favourite):
This is so much fun, pillow fights are a passe teddy fights are in!
2. Managing your anger by punching a teddy:
3. Pass it on to the needy:
Remember: Good Karma always reaps
4. Using teddy as a pillow while sleeping, or cushion-seat while sitting on ground:
Who says maturity comes with age?
5. Remove cotton from inside and sew all teddies together to make rugs/ quilts:
Image taken from: http://louisaenright.com
6. Gift your teddy to a real bear or your pet, it will love you more:
7. Stuff your teddy with gift and gift it to your loved ones:
Guys still fear that their ladies will shout on them for tearing the teddy apart!
8. Recycle your teddy into a teddy mop:
9. If you cannot make any compromise with your teddy then don't let it lick the dust. Remember:
10. Last but not least, spread the message in the name of World Sanity:
जनहित में जारी
Author's Note- After reading this post: World Teddy Community hates me. Some teenagers have grown up and others find me lame. Infants and pets love me. Nobody is going to give me a teddy for rest of my life. (Yay!) My dear ones will gift me something useful for my upcoming birthday. ;)
Wish you all a very Happy teddy-day, rose-day, hug-day, kiss-day, V-day, slap-day and last but not least till-death-do-us-apart-day! (Stop wondering, there is no day like the last one.)
A male Gorilla deliberately splashes about in
swampland clearings not only to display his splashing prowess but also to intimidate his competitors in the battle to woo a
female companion. On the other hand for male chimps the way to woo their female partners is to shower them with fruits as a gift. Male mice whistle complex songs at ultrasonic frequencies and lions roar. The male birds dance to attract their mating partner. This video shows an unconventional way of Bird of paradise to woo the prospective mate:
Dancing, roaring, singing show females that the male animal is
healthy and strong. Gift giving exhibits that the
male is good at getting food and will provide for their young ones. These courtship behaviors are for the show to convince females that a male will be the best father and caretaker for her offspring.
While all species are busy in wooing their female counterparts, humans have been developing their own set of techniques and skills to show that they are the best! Here are my two cents on
HOW TO WOO A LADY:
1. Spend time with her: Females notice how you take out time for them from your busy schedule and how you look at them- if you
are genuinely interested give her your precious time and attention to
make her feel wanted.
2. Break the barricades: She may not open up to you at first and hence you have to
support her stimulate the conversation! To look at you as a prospective lover she needs
to know whether she can depend emotionally on you- if you can
understand her insecurities, her fears.
3. Flirt a little: Do not overdo or under-do anything. Strike a balance.
Overdoing might border to lewd or non-serious intention and under doing could make you a
bore. Flirting helps in breaking the
barriers, helping her to know how you would be romantically! I wrote a post on why do women get attracted to bad guys. A woman who finds a strong yet
emotional man, can't go very far from him.
4. Know her more: If she is important to you, know her likes and dislikes. Ask her out
for lunch or dinner. Make her feel comfortable and special. A random
and spontaneous plan! Gift her something, a rose or secret
bouquet or chocolates or random note in your handwriting stating how
lovely she looked, or anything that you admired in her.
5.Stand by her:
Unlike you she goes through a lot of emotional instability. Her fears
are genuine and she needs to know you can take care of them all. You
have to show that you are man of words, you have to tell her that
no matter what but you have ability to stand against all odds when you
need to for the person you love. Never miss an opportunity to put words
to actions if the need arrives.
6.Compliment her genuinely: She can tell fake admiration from genuine
admiration. She was created with strong intuitions. And rare is the
descendent of Venus who'll frown at a genuine compliment. Don't think
she has received enough compliments from others before you came. She does need to know your opinion too. It's
important to reinforce her confidence (in you).
7. Involve her in your life: Tell her about your family, friends,
dreams, worries, aspirations too. Rather than only making her center of your life
make yourself center of hers too.
8. Show some Pet/Baby love: She
needs to know how you care about little children or pets or how you talk to people of lesser order. While making a
selection female mind subconsciously weighs how good as a father you
will be for her offspring. She should know that she can depend on you in years to come.
9. Don't be a Humpty-Dumpty:
There might be many folks trying to grab her attention, you have to be
best in the lot. Take a watch on what you eat, exercise. An attractive physique can give you plus points. She caught
your
attention in a crowd, you need to work for the same.
10. Be yourself: Don't pretend to be someone else that you are
not. Because you can not tread far with pretense and plasticity.
Wooing is an art where you have to work with her conscious and
subconscious mind. Since females are moody, unstable, and very insecure
bunch you have to deal with them patiently.
Sometimes
like males, females also fear from early emotional baggage
you come with and then they do not want to try things at all. While
sometimes they have that sort of emotional dependence that they get
scared of their vulnerability on a new being. Advice: If she is sure and determined that you are not the one, don't be a burden on her mind, better let her go.
P.S. You might love this another wooing-moonwalk too
Credits:Cartoon images used in illustrations are picked up from Google.
