शून्य की ओर

अंधेरे कमरे में मैं जल रही थी
अपने ही विचारो से मैं पिघल रही थी
कुछ देर जली फिर कुछ और जली

उजले दिन को राख़ बनने को जली
फिर काली रात की परछाइयां मिटाने को जली
मैं अपनी ही परछाइयों में पली
फिर अपनी ही परछाइयों से जली

कभी बेगानों की पीड़ा ने जलाया
कभी अपनों की लीला ने जलाया
इसी जलन ने कुछ अपनों को बेगाना बनाया
इसी तपन में कुछ बेगानों को मैंने अपना पाया

कभी हल्कि सी हँसी ने हिलाया
कभी किसी के आंसुओं ने बुझाया
पर जलना मेरी फितरत है
मैं फिर जली, कुछ देर जली फिर कुछ और जली

जलते जलते मैंने कभी दो दिलों को मिलाया
मैंने कभी किसी को शायर बनाया
मैं अपने ही आंसूओं से
फिर कुछ और गली

मेरा जीवन था अंधियारे को काटना
मेरा लक्ष्य था विचारों को छांटना
मैं एक रूप से फिर शून्य में ढली
बुझने से पहले मैं फिर कुछ देर और जली

मेरी इस बुझती लौ ने फिर कुछ को रुलाया
मेरे इस अंत में मुझे मेरे अपनों ने भुलाया
शून्य से होकर मैं कहीं और मिली
ख़ुद में ही मिलने को मैं फिर एक बार और जली ...

Moment Of truth

Four or five months back, I discovered a show named “moment of truth” on star world. When I was watching it for the first time, i found the intensity and intemacy of questions kept on rising with the rise in level. It kept me hooked for more and I was extremely frightened and numb watching progression of the game. It left me thinking about the aftermath of the show. I was jittery thinking if the people confronting the truths will be able to survive with their present relations or will others accept them and respect them the same way as before confronting darkest truths. There was a veiled theme inside me, what if they create an Indian version of the same. Will a person battling with truth in a hope to earn some money be able to comply with the norms and the protocols of the Indian society? What if someone will win, will he have the money or the relations or will he succeed in keeping both or will he lose everything he has? No wonder we all have a dark side, but very few of us can commit the darkest truth or the deepest fears buried under the core of our minds. The definition, although, of dark differs from person to person, the kind of life they have had and the kind of atmosphere they have been given. But all truth no lie, is difficult for everybody. Pangs of jealousy, fear of isolation, reaction on injustice, unrevealed betrayal, confrontation with weaknesses, grudges and complains for near ones. We go though many of this and some of us go through rather more. Its easy to share our life with a few but is it that easy to show world how mean or how disturbed we have been? Is it easy to reveal everything we have been hiding since years in just one go? Before truth risking our life seems easy but risking our relations, respect and friendship is hardest possible task. Yesterday I got to know that Indian version of moment of truth has been started with the name “Sach ka Saamna”. We all know Indian society has not yet progressed to the level of indifference. A person’s life is still altered by the relatives, friends, neighbors and even acquaintances. Getting our heads in a show like this is keeping everything at stake with no guarantee for money, with probability of losing what we already have. Although not all the people who are participating in it are in need for money. With obscure intentions some of them must be participating here for making confessions before their people for their guilt and explanation or excuses for their credentials, or may be some celebrities for publicity, simultaneously seeking a medal for their heroic deeds for accepting their guilt, which is not something anyone can do.

Just have a lil patience.......

“Have a lil patience” – how often have we heard it? How astoundingly easy it seems but when I think deeper and dig myself and people around me and their lives to understand it, I sometimes fail to understand its true worth. Patience is one word which is on the lips of everyone but in the heart of only a few. When I think about myself in this context, I too find myself amongst the pupils attending patience classes, trying to master one of my subjects of life but often fail in my own eyes.

Patience is a war with your own self, a tiresome brainstorming session with your own values, beliefs and thoughts in difficult circumstances. Patience is the art of facing difficulties especially long term with endurance without losing your head or getting upset or disturbed. Many people feel they have been keeping it and when you actually peep into their soul, you find a big hole in it from where patience is leaking a great deal. Yeah it takes a long time and great deal of patience to learn patience. At times you will find yourself sitting on the fire and spectators enjoying the show and simultaneously scoring you on your patience. It seems so easy to say “be patient”, but always ask somebody who has been practicing it since ages but has broken it recently. All teachings, learnings and practicing just vanish in a split second.
Even the rocks near a river keep patience but slowly turn into soil with constant hits. “When I keep it you lose it, when you keep it I panic, when we both keep it we lose time and when none of us keep it we lose a relation”. All we still want and crave for is patience. Being like a rock, waiting for our temperaments to get retarded, we keep ourselves patient. Sometimes we lose it because of our weaknesses and some times we lose it with lots of interferences in our lives. We sometimes want to be heard and understood and, we lose it because we get consoling words and possible solutions without being understood. Not everything can be solved today, but can be taken care of and kept in for tomorrow. We need to have patience. We lose it with difference in attitudes and natures and understandings. We lose it when people are judgmental, with perhaps, their limited knowledge of facts and figures.

I was discussing the term “Patience” with a friend yesterday. And I have been told that we lose it because we think we are mature, when we are not in certain cases. True!! And if we look at it with another perspective, we can also say it might be possible that other person is not mature enough to understand our wants and needs. We lose it when we are being doubted for our decisions about our lives, when people themselves hate others intervening in theirs.

Sometimes our constant failures compel us to surrender ourselves and our so called patience, be it failures in relationships or careers. So keeping patience with broad thinking is easy, but keeping patience otherwise is a tough game to play. Too much of criticism and too much of optimism kills patience. And with the so called loss of patience, some things like anger, frustration, detachment and violence shine and love, understanding, trust vanish. Elongated practice of Patience kills patience. Being silent is the only way out to fight impatience and being joyful is the only key to have a healthy and stable mind when you are practicing patience. Live it in your way. Be patient to you, even if it’s a war with yourself, just try to win it. And when you can’t, give your black emotions out and keep patience again!! :-)